The older I get the more I realize that people are good at telling you exactly what you want to hear. People are really good at listening to you when you want to tell secrets about yourself. People are good at flattering you, building you up, being that shoulder to lean on...and then ripping the proverbial carpet out from under you. Through the friendships I've had and lost over the years I've noticed a theme: We, and I say we because I do it too, care so much about ourselves and what others think of us and how other perceive our lives to be, we forget to be genuine. So we flatter, we lie, we listen, and we wait because eventually our friendships will stop being convenient and we can spill that dirty little secret or we can move on to the next one, carefree because we let others pour their hearts out while we simply listened. We tear others down so we can look better. We throw away sincerity for moments of popularity. So when we are hurt by a friend, a significant other, a family member, we build up walls. We vow to never be hurt like that again, never open up again, never feel that awful sting of betrayal. So we become our hurt. We listen, we are insincere, we are flatterers, we wait for others to come to us instead of reaching out for a purpose. Its a vicious cycle that almost seems unbreakable.
I am tired of the fakeness. I'm tired of putting on a different persona for different people. If I want to have genuine relationships and friendships shouldn't I be genuine? Shouldn't I care and pursue and love others deeply? Why are we so skeptical and critical of others intentions? Because we've been hurt. We are walking damaged goods and we can't be healed until we let go of the bitterness. For months I've been begging God for clarity, for answers, all while I've held bitterness against a person who I let hurt me over and over again. And I'm not going to get my answers until I let that go. It's not easy, but when God told me "No." I fought Him, and I let that hurt continue to happen when God tried to stop it with a simple answer. Check your heart. Find that root of bitterness, of insincerity, of hurt and dig it up. Get rid of it, listen to God's answer and stop fighting. He will wait as long as it takes, but wouldn't it be so much easier to let it go and rest in your Father's arms?
